brightness.

well helloo,

i know its been a fucking long time since i last updated. and i think  no one's gonna be reading this except those who are still on my friends page and happen to still be updating their own eljays.  i guess lately there've just been quite afew things that've went on. things not monumental or anything but just things that i somehow have the urge to write about. and tell to whoever lands their eyes on these posts.

i very much want to jump into the first thing thats been lingering in my mind. and go straight to the start of the middle like i've been posting things every single day. and this is just yet another occurrence in my.. well, life. 

but theres really too much that i'd be leaving out.

episode after episode after episode of occurrences and things that have gone on in my mind, ideas that i'd chanced upon which had left me laughing in bed at night. aquaintances that got me up when i was trying to sleep. but i think for now im just gonna leave this as it is. let this be like the pre-taste of what's to come. moreover its just too late right now and i've got work tommorrow. yay.

i leave you with a song that i love so much. first heard it on how i met your mother. it almost sounds like its sung by a sad barney stinson.. which just makes it so likeable and the words to this song, they seem to relate to the universe and how we can never get too much of a good thing. it just goes away after awhile. fascination. attraction. resources. that one experience and the impression it left. how you wouldnt get it again if you relived it a second time.
and it also reminds me of the first story. the first thing thats freshest in my head right now. but i dont feel like writing about it now its too long a story. well, my reader friend, haha! ciao!

 
i very much wanna post a picture of myself gleaming from ear to ear!  but i think i'll spoil this entire post by doing that. Christmas is a'comin! and i love all my friends!

Learn To Fly- Foo fighters

 

Run and tell all of the angels This could take all night
Think I need a devil to help me get things right
hook me up a new revolution cause this one is a lie
We sat around laughing and watched the last one die
i'm looking to the sky to save me Looking for a sign of life
Looking for something to help me burn out bright
I'm looking for complication Looking cause I'm tired of lying ( trying)
Make my way back home when I learn to fly I think I'm done nursing the patience
I can wait one night I'd give it all away if you give me one last try
We'll live happily ever trapped if you just save my life
Run and tell the angels that everything is alright..
Fly along with me, I can't quite make it alone
Try and make this life my own 

God save the queen. God save me. The queen doesnr need your help not as much as i do. I hate this life i hate this job. I hate waiting, im sick and tires of waiting for something to happen im sick and tired of thinking it'll all be better soon. This is fucked up, fuck this life fuck the future theres nothing good to look forward to theres nothing good about studying with a pool of inchworms and cretins. Theres nothing optimistic about the future.nothing. Zero.zilch. Look at that! Oh im in so great a place i have to imagine that someone worth telling it to's gonna come and read this. My life is fucked up i hate this.i hate it so badly.thats how pathetic my lifes played out to be i've to resort to imagining that someone whose all wise and all compatible to be my greatest friend on the other end. When im lying in bed and im going through all this anger and emotion i come to a point where i hear myself complaining and confiding to all these willing passersby on my journal and i have the best time of that moment releasing that pent up angst and then i pick up my phone and its different. It was actually nice talking to these people in my head it was spontaneous and raw it came out like confetti in a box. At that time i still couldnt find the word for these small little paper things and only remembered that it sounded similar to paparrazi. And i thought to myself that as soon as i come online id type these things and say that i was going to type in down onto dictionary.com hoping theyed give me similar sounding words if i spelt it wrongly.i wanted to say that i liked this and that spontaneous was the word. That is actually wasnt so bad.

how quicly we move from state to state.
how transcient our temperament.
one moment im at peace
the next i wanna fuck the world and go away.
happiness sings a tale of foreverness
how quicly its tune can change
when you get caught up from the chase
and these things you dont have the heart to erase
yet somehow you just wanna say fuck all that and go the bed
live in your dream where youre not afraid
but im fine im fine cos ive got a place
and no its not where you smoke weed
FUCK!

im so sad cos my NS life wouldnt be the same again. no more running around naked and laughing. not that we did any running around naked its just an analogy. a very visual one.

ORIGINAL longboards dont let me down. i placed a two hundred dollar deposit on you. please dont let me down. i had dreams or riding you with a pipe in my mouth and a head band pretending i was a rebel. but your  not here yet.

ALEXANDER XAREN RODEN is an awesome guy.this other IDIOT handcuffed me with the flexcuffs on accident and that genuine concern on his face will be remembered for a long long time. hes getting a longboard too! we've got big plans of going on a road trip together after our ORD. we gonna rent a car and drive around the americas and video our road trip. we gonna bring our longboards along and explore the rocks where i can show him a thing or two about bouldering.

 

 

i havent been myself! cos its just hard, you know. throw me into camp and i guess thats what you get, people around me, the things we're made to do and the people under whom we do these things..i dont know! i dont even know where im getting at with this. i dont feel free like i used to when i used to write so honestly about the things that were dear to me. there was this once i was just praying and i gave up, i said you know what God? i dont know man..i dont know what say you dear God? GO ahead! give me the silent treatment! i got nothing! no feelings for my life my family myself.. maybe its just a passing cloud? a phase, so to speak. john frusciante went through some depressing shit. mother theresa felt the void inside for the longest time ever. but its different i wasnt meant to have clouds that we walk ourselves under, against our will.clouds were meant to pass. in fact now that i think about it, could it be a cloud thats gonna be here for as long as i dont do anything? that is so depressing. we were meant to live with a cream green guitar in our hands and the crowd under our feet. but apparently, we suck. like i said, i dont know. i dont know how long this clouds gonna be hereand i dont know how and when? i dont quite like it. it doesnt make me feel good it makes me feel alone.

i've never said this but for years nowi havent had a really close friend. the sort who'd let me swim free like a fish in the sea. back when i was in secondary school i had noel and russell but along the way our thinking changed. we kept in contact but it just hasnt been the same.

i've been writing a letter in my head, for quite some time now. i dont know what its gonna be about(very vaguely at least) but i do know that its gonna start with "dear friend" . i dont know if im gonna start it and i dont know if i'll ever write it down.

i wanna be a school principal. but i'll only do it if i find a group of friends who are willing to do it with me. (HAHAHAH!) we'll form the principal committee. but that means we'll have to be teachers first. damn.